Elizabeth Kenny, a nurse who created the Kenny Methods for the treatment of patients with polio, a day to meet with his friend, a fellow nurse who was angry. Elizabeth knows her friend work loads, but he had tried to advise his friend so that it can keep his emotions. “Come on, try to remain cheerful and smiling,” said Elisabeth.
With a tone that is still a bit annoyed, his friend said, “Easy for you to say so. With this much weight how I do not get angry every day! However, I myself was confused, how to take care of yourself so you can keep smiling?” With his trademark smile, she was told. One time he was so angry at his friend because the real issue trivial. Then, he advised his mother who now has always been the guiding principle, namely, “Elizabeth, remember. People who can make you angry, it means he has defeat you.”
Readers, whether or not we are really angry, more depending on our response rather than its cause. Unfortunately, we often let other people or situations to conquer and control our anger button. As in long queues when we disalip car, while arguing for trivial things, when things that we need it bad to work, while not getting the service that we expect, as the words people are not as we expected, all with the rapid fire trigger our anger.
Years of doing a study on anger through emotional intelligence, makes me believe anger is not genetic factors, not something that can not be controlled, but a process that can be learned.
Unfortunately, not many schools that teach or learning how we can better manage anger. In fact, its effects and the negative impact of these outrages are innumerable.
I know several people who had been in prison because of uncontrolled anger. I also know of employees whose career stalled just because never make a blunder and lose control of his emotions in front of his boss.
There are also families who finally cracked because the husband could not control his emotions. Imagine, how much those costs should be paid because of this uncontrollable emotion.
Positive Thinking
Sometimes it’s a lot of the situations of others ultimately trigger our anger. Because of their odd way of thinking, because their words are hurtful, because their actions create ‘hot’ your heart.
Whatever their actions, there are actually a principle that teaches, “There’s always a good intention behind the behavior of people”. Although the intention is not always something that fits and you can receive, but it could be something positive.
Let’s say, a colleague of mine recently lost a fish worth millions of rupiah arwananya. It’s very simple garanya. When he was out of town, his wife tried to wash the tank.
Apparently it’s action to kill the expensive fish. When I got home, he was so angry to know his favorite fish was dead. Finally, for more than a week they do not talk to each other, because really feel angry.
So the first principle to be learned here is to see the intentions or good intentions behind the behavior and actions of a person. In this way, usually a high level of anger we will be more controllable because finally we started tries to see that there is a reason that ‘really good’ person behind the behavior.
Like the story of the wife who washed her husband an aquarium, it actually good, which means ‘to clean a dirty aquarium so the fish do not die’. Yet precisely such behavior makes him even dead fish. That is actually a good wife?
Well, the next thing that can control our emotions is to understand that sometimes people have a lot of issues and problems in throwing to us.
What I really had a problem and have a problem is someone else, but because they do not know where to get her out, finally we are the ones who got the resin. By understanding this, then we will be more calm about another person who is upset or angry.
I also remembered a man who works in the customer service is always able to control himself well when facing so many complaints.
When asked about his strategy, he said, “Why should people respond to anger with anger? We do not have anything. Maybe dianya party was noisy with his wife and children.”
Maybe he again had problems at work. Imagine, he might have a problem and in fact our products create problems ‘new’ for himself. That’s why he’s so angry. “I do not need to be angry. My task is precisely to help relieve the burden by providing a solution for her.” Wow, really an incredible response.
Emotions thermometer
I often teach people to control emotions by imagining techniques as in our body there is a thermometer which can measure our emotions.
Give the limits of our emotions on the thermometer where we know our emotions are quite reasonable and controllable. However, be aware and be wary when we feel that our emotional thermometer was showing signs of alarm are dangerous.
To be sensitive with this thermometer, the only way is to become sensitive when will the signs of body language, physical reaction in which usually means your emotions are getting out of hand.
A friend of mine says, “When I began to quiet and my heart began to beat faster and my whole body feels ready to strike. At that moment I knew my anger was at the threshold.”
Usually when it’s so, my friend said he would ask permission to go out or leave the situation so that he does not need to be more emotionally triggered.
In fact, if you do not have a choice so that he will do is sit down and regulate his breathing. In essence, he tried to keep his emotions are not triggered increasingly higher.
Indeed, in the lesson there is the term Emotional Intelligence emotional escalator, which means when we do not control our emotions, the tendency is usually the emotion will become increasingly tereskalasi or more and rising.
If you do not believe people try to watch a fight. Initially, only mocking each other. Then from there, start cursing each other and start the next physical action occurs.
This shows the process of emotional escalator, like an escalator that moves up in shopping malls. When it’s so, then we must be aware of our emotions before the escalator is moving upward growing uncontrollably, we must stop and we must get out of the escalator.
Hopefully a few pearls of enlightenment from this emotional intelligence enables us to control our anger into something more positive. Let us always adhered to the principle, “It’s not controlling my emotions but I am the one who control my emotions every day!”